For You
by E.P. Wat.s
Summary: Ludwig Beilschmidt had a problem. He knew that. After all, if he didn't he wouldn't be where he was right now. AU Alcoholic Ludwig. GerIta, mentions of past GerPan
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I'm going off of memory for the meeting scene. I have a family member who is now sober, almost four months I think, maybe five, and I've gone with them to a few of their meetings, and I never really payed much attention but when I got this idea I really wish I had. **

**Anyway, I don't own Hetalia.**

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Ludwig Beilschmidt had a problem. He knew that. After all, if he didn't he wouldn't be where he was right now.

He looked around the room again, trying to make time go by faster so he could go home. He was currently sitting in a church RE room at a table surrounded by men and women of all different types, but they all had something in common, something he too shared with them.

They were all alcoholics, and they were all trying to get sober.

"Thanks for sharing!" Everyone in the room said in unison as the person speaking finished.

"Thanks for sharing..." He mumbled a bit late.

"How about you, new guy? Would you like to share?" A blonde Englishman asked, smiling at him.

"Uh...Ja, sure." He sighed and sat up straighter, clearing his throat. "Um, hallo, my name is Ludwig, und um...I'm an alcoholic. This is, as you know, my first meeting... I vould much rather be at home, vith a beer...und I'm sure that's how everyone feels on their first day of sobriety but..." He sighed and shook his head. "I'm here because...I made a mistake. I vas vith my...my fiance und we were driving home from my bruder's house, he's the one who had me come here, und, I may have had a bit too much to drink. I shouldn't have gotten behind the wheel...Kiku, he tried to stop me but...I told him I vas fine und that the drive vasn't zhat long and zhat I could handle it..." Ludwig had to pause, wiping at his eyes where tears were beginning to form from the memory of that night. "Ve...Ve vere almost home und...There was vas a red light. I vas too drunk to notice, und I drove straight into the path of a huge truck...the car vas totalled...I managed to valk avay from zhe accident vith only a few injuries...But...Kiku, meine liebe...He didn't make it." He covered his eyes, unable to keep back the tears any longer. His shoulders shook as he sobbed quiety. "U-und...Zhe vay zhat I deal vith problems like zhis...is drinking, so of course vhat I did vhen I vas told by zhe doctor zhat he vas gone, vas...I vent home, und I drank. Und I drank und drank... I drank until I passed out...I...I know zhat Kiku hated seeing me like zhat...I felt horrible und...began to think maybe I have a problem...So...Zhat's vhy I'm here..." He trailed off, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and taking a deep breath. "I'm here for a solution, und to make meine liebe happy. Danke..." Ludwig could feel people staring, a lot of the stares bringing pity with them.

"Thanks for sharing."

"Would anyone else like to share?" The Brit asked, looking around. He noticed the hyper Italian near the back raising his hand. "Feli, go ahead."

"Veh~ Grazie, Arthur! Um...Oh, yeah!" He got up and skipped to the front where Arthur was, and leaned down and whispered something to him. Arthur smiled and nodded, slipping something into his hand. "So, I know we usually do this later," Feliciano began, swaying from side to side, his strange curl bobbing up and down. "But, I wanted to do this now because I feel like he needs it~" He walked towards Ludwig and held out a silver coin. "Here, Luddy~ Congratulations on twenty four hours!" He said happily, hugging the large German. Ludwig let himself be hugged, not raising his arms to hug back, but accepted the coin.

"Danke, erm..."

"Feliciano~ Oh! And here. We collected phone numbers of people for you. If you need to talk to one of us, you can just call!" Ludwig nodded and accepted the paper. "Okay, that was all. Veh~ Thank you!" Ludwig watched the Italian go back to his seat, before looking down at the objects in his hand, a small half smile appearing for a second before going away.

_This is for you, Kiku. I'll get better for you._

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**I have this headcanon that for Germany and Prussia (all of the nations really, but mainly those two) get thicker accents when they get emotional, hence all the German accentness. Anyway! Sorry for throwing all that heavy emotional stuff at ya'll straight away.**

**Fav, Follow, Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter two! It's also short...but...I have no excuses...**

**Sorry Italylover21 but Feli's story wont be revealed for a little while longer.**

**And to Roderica Edelstein: I know OTL I feel terrible! Kikuuu I'm sorrrryyyy!**

**I don't own Hetalia, and unfortunately never will.**

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Ludwig opened the door to his brother's house, where he was now staying because the albino didn't trust him to be alone, and walked in, hanging his coat on the hook.

"Gilbert, I'm home." He called wearily, kicking off his shoes and pushing them against the wall with his foot. His brother hurried down the stairs, forcing the blonde into a hug.

"How'd it go? It wasn't that bad was it? I know it may seem dumb and useless at first, but Toni's boyfriend's brother has been going for a few years now and he's like a whole new person."

"It was...It was awful...Everyone there had been sober for at least a month. All of them seemed happy and calm, and then there I was, a wreck...They're probably taking bets on how long until I drink again."

"Ludwig stop. Don't talk like that, it's unawesome. Now come on, Matthew made dinner."

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"Veeh~ Fratello~ Tonio~ I'm home!" Feliciano called out happily as he threw his coat and shoes to the floor. He heard loud swearing and the sound of people scrambling about before a half naked Spaniard appeard in the hall_w_ay.

"Hola Feli~ Lovi is um...getting ready for a shower, si. So how was your meeting?" Antonio asked, brushing at his curls with his fingers, glancing back at the bedroom. "Would you like me to heat up some leftovers from dinner?"

"Veh~ It was good! And, si! Si! Grazie! Oh! There was a new guy today! He was really cute, but his story was so sad!" Feliciano followed Toni into the kitchen, sitting down on the counter.

"Oh? Really? ¿Por Que?" Antonio asked, glancing over his shoulder at the little Italian as he took a plate out of the cabinet.

"Well...I don't know if he'd like it if I told you, but it was so sad..."

"I see. Oh, you know mi amigo Gilbert, si?" Antonio asked, putting the plate in the microwave.

"Si, the crazy 'Prussian' one?" Antonio nodded, looking down the hallway towards the bathroom, the sound of the shower turning on grabbing his attention.

"Si. He told me his hermano would be going to the meetings from now on. Maybe you two can go together! I'm sure he would like that. Gil's brother is...well he's not doing so well. Gil is really worried about him."

"Tell Gilbert that I would love to make sure his fratello gets better! I can drive him to the eight o'clock meeting tomorrow morning! Oh! Ask Gil if his brother still needs a sponsor! I could do it!" Antonio chuckled, handing Feli the food.

"Si, I will. Now then, I'm going to go and...see if Lovi needs any helpwith his _shower."_

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__**Teehee~ Spamano~ I love it. Anywho! Review, Fav, Follow, all that good stuff!**

**Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm going to have to come up with something fantastic for Feli's story, aren't I? I actually haven't been able to come up with anything good yet, so it may be a while until you learn it.**

**Anyway, school's finally over, and I guess I'm now a high schooler. Whoo...Yeah...I'm gonna get lost the second I step into the building. But anyway back to it being summer. I'll have more time to update so if I ever go long periods without new chapters its because I have no ideas : 'D**

**Anyway! First chapter in this story with over 1000 words! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I still do not own Hetalia :( **

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Ludwig sat on the couch beside his brother, who had a blushing Matthew sitting in his lap, as they sat quietly and watched whatever was on T.V. Ludwig fidgeted around, tapping his fingers on his leg, and tapping his foot, incredibly restless. It was driving him crazy, watching Gilbert and Matthew be so happy and in love. It made him upset and angry, and he really wanted a nice cold German beer to calm his nerves. Gilbert had emptied the house of all alcoholic beverages when Ludwig had agreed to stop drinking, so he knew there was no way he could get his hands on one here. There was a liquor store not too far away, but he really hated driving at night. He still couldn't handle it yet.

"You're so cute when you blush, Birdie~" Gilbert teased, kissing Matthew's cheek. Matthew let out a small squeak and blushed harder.

"Giiil, stop it." He whined, covering his face. "You're embarrassing me..." Gilbert smiled and ran a hand through the Canadian's hair.

"Ich liebe dich~" he cooed, gently pulling Mattie's hands off his face.

"J-je'taime, Gilbert." Matthew replied softly, smiling as well and timidly kissing the self-proclaimed Prussian. Ludwig felt sick watching them. It hurt him to watch them. What they had, was something that he used to have, something that he missed. Something he craved. He opened his mouth to excuse himself from the room, knowing that he wouldn't be able to handle it if he started thinking of Kiku again, but before he could speak there was a loud knock on the door.

"I've got it." He said quickly, practically running to the door. He opened it a bit slower, trying to calm down. However, when the two men in the doorway didn't even try to make the large amount of beer and wine they were carrying less obvious, he knew there was no chance he would be calm.

"Ah! ¡Hola Ludwig! Is Gilbert home~?" Antonio asked happily, smiling that ever-present smile of his. Ludwig swallowed hard, nodding.

'Remember the promise remember the promise remember the promise.' He thought repetitively.

"Magnifique~" Francis purred, stepping inside and handing Ludwig the bottle of wine he was holding so that he could take his coat off. Ludwig stiffened and opened his mouth, trying to tell Francis to take the bottle back, but once again no sound would come out. Antonio stared at him, before his eyes went wide and he slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Oh mierda." He muttered. "Fran, take that back from him." Francis raised an eyebrow at the Spaniard.

"But Toni, Ludwig joins us for guys night now, remember? He's still the drinking contest champion."

"Fran, remember what Gil told us? Take that back from him." He said sternly, his unusually serious tone alerting Francis.

"Oh, right. Désolé, Ludwig." Francis quickly took the drink back, smiling weakly. "I forgot. Anyway, are Gilbert and Matthieu in the living room?" Ludwig nodded, turning around and starting up the stairs.

"Wait, Ludwig." Antonio called, putting a hand on the German's arm. "Feliciano told me to tell you that if you ever want someone to talk to, and that if you'd like to carpool to meetings, he'd be glad to help you. He also wanted to know if you were interested in having him as a temporary sponsor. He says temporary because he'd rather you have someone else as a sponsor, because he gets too emotional some times and tends to ramble like what I'm doing now to deliver his message." Ludwig turned and looked at Antonio over his shoulder.

"Feliciano? Is he Italian? About this tall with a big curl?" He asked. Antonio smiled and nodded.

"¡Si! How did you know~?"

"I met him tonight. Is he Lovino's brother? Dummkopf, of course he is. They look exactly the same, I should have known." Antonio chuckled, nodding.

"Si, they're both very adorable. But yeah, Feli wants to help you any way he can. I hope you can recover well. I know Gilbert doesn't like how he can't do anything to help when you're like this." Antonio pulled the younger male into a quick hug. "Your hermano loves you very much, you know that?" Ludwig nodded.

"Ja...I love that idiot too." He mumbled, turning and continuing up to his room. Antonio smiled and went to the living room, flopping down on the couch.

"Giiil~" He called, holding out the 'i' while poking the albino in the leg with his foot. "Your brother loves yoooouuu." Gilbert smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Of course he does. Who wouldn't love the awesome me?"

"So awesome." Matthew said quietly, rolling his eyes. Gilbert chuckled softly and kissed the quiet Canadian quickly.

"Anyway..." Gilbert turned and looked at his friends, frowning a little. "I know you'll probably be the only people to hate my awesomeness after I say this but I'm cancelling the Bad Touch guy's nights for a while."

"Wha~? Why?" Antonio asked, sitting up.

"Ludwig." Gilbert said simply.

"Oh...right. Okay. I want to see Lud happy like he used to be again." Antonio said, sighing a little. Gilbert smiled sadly and nodded.

"Yeah...Me too. Francis are you okay with this?" The Frenchman glanced up from his phone and nodded, quickly going back to his text. "...Toni what's up with him?" Gilbert asked, making a weird face.

"Oh, Fran met a girl~ Not just a random one nighter, but a girl he likes~ Francis is in love love with her~" Antonio teased, earning a rather rude hand gesture from Francis.

"Oh~? And what's this lucky girl's name?"

"Jeanne." Francis answered, not looking up.

"Does she have a last name?" Gil asked, poking at Matthew's cheeks.

"Yes but I'm not telling you. You'll look her up online and stalk her or something, Gil." Gilbert gasped, pretending to be shocked.

"What~? No, I would never!"

"Gil when I started dating Lovi you were on the internet for weeks looking for some big secret that doesn't exist." Antonio said, rolling his eyes.

"I still say he's with the mafia." Gilbert muttered, crossing his arms.

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"Vee~ Lovinoo~" Feliciano sang, flopping down on the couch, sprawled out over his brother's lap.

"Chigi! Get off, bastard!" Lovino shouted, pushing his brother down onto the floor. Feliciano rolled onto his back and giggled.

"Heh...vee...Hey, Lovino?" He asked, looking up at the older Italian.

"Si, what is it?" He asked, clearly irritated, but hey, he had been in the middle of reading!

"...Do...Do you still hate me...?" Feli asked softly, frowning a little bit. Lovino opened his mouth but quickly shut it, moving his foot down to nudge his brother's head.

"Fratello...I wasn't serious when I said that...Back then I-I was just angry...You know that..." Feliciano smiled and sat up, laying his head in Lovi's lap.

"I'm so glad. I love you fratello~!" Lovino sighed and blushed faintly, nodding.

"Yeah...Love you too..." He mumbled.

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**yay chapter done~**

**Review please! Or Belarus will be told that you're hiding Russia in your closet.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer goes here!**

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Ludwig leaned back against his head-board and let out a long sigh as he looked at the pictures in his hands. He gazed longingly at the brown eyes he missed so much, the dark hair that's soft, silky feel he could never forget. The face he remembered looked even more beautiful on those rare occasions a smile would be visible.

_'Kiku had the most amazing smile...' _He thought sadly, putting the pictures aside and shutting his eyes, head tilting back. Ludwig could hear his brother and his friend's voices and laughter from downstairs. He let out a sad bitter chuckle. _'Listen to them. So happy and care free. I envy them. I wish that I was them. They're so ignorant to pain. They would never understand what I'm going through.' _He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. _'I've lost everything. What's the point in trying to get help? There's nothing left for me. Ich hasse mein Leben... I live with my brother, I got fired a few weeks ago, I can't seem to get another job, I've already failed. Why do I even bother? Gott...ich brauch ein Bier. Just one. I'll be okay if I only have one. I could sneak our right now, run to the bar, no one would notice. Ja, I can do it. I'll only have one.' _He stood up and grabbed a jacket, shoving his wallet and keys into a pocket and heading downstairs. As he was pulling his shoes on, Gilbert, having heard him come downstairs, came out and raised an eyebrow.

"Going somewhere?" Ludwig nodded and stood up, shoes on.

"Ja. I'm going for a drive to clear my head," He replied. "I'll be back in a bit. You have fun with your friends." Gilbert looked him over before shrugging and ruffling his hair, causing it to lose its slicked back look.

"Alright. Don't stay out too long. I love you Lud." He said with a smile, giving his brother a quick hug before going back to the living room. Ludwig sighed and shook his head, feeling a little bad. He had lied to Gilbert again, and it had been so easy. It didn't even require thought, the lies just came out naturally.

_'Alright two. Just two drinks and then I go home.'_

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Ludwig awoke the next morning with a groan. His mouth tasted terrible, and his head felt like it had been split open. He opened one eye and shut it quickly. It was so bright...But wait a minute. He opened his eyes and sat up, biting back any pained noises that tried to escape. Damn his head hurt! But that wasn't the problem. The problem was that this was not his room. He felt something move next to him and quickly turned to look. He wasn't alone in bed. A quick glance downwards told him that yes, those clothes across the room were indeed his.

"Scheiße..." He muttered, covering his face with his hand. "This isn't good..." He heard a small groan and moved his hand down, looking at the other occupant of the bed.

_'Of course.' _He thought bitterly. _'Asian.'_ He quickly looked away as the man opened his eyes and sat up. He heard a small laugh and a yawn before his face was gently turned and a pair of lips were on his.

"joh-eun achim~" The other man said happily. Ludwig couldn't place the language, but he knew it wasn't Japanese. Maybe it was Korean. The man certainly looked Korean. "I'm surprised you haven't left yet. You seem like the kind of guy who would slip out in the middle of the night and never look for me again. I'm glad you're not. You're pretty cute, da ze~" Ludwig blushed faintly at the compliment, but shook his head, pulling away and moving to get up.

"I need to leave. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have even gone to the bar, what was I thinking?" He said quickly. He was stopped when he felt his wrist get grabbed.

"Aww don't go. You have to at least stay for breakfast! We Koreans make the best breakfast, we invented it after all!" Ludwig was about to reply that no, Koreans did not invent breakfast, when he remembered that he had told Gilbert he wouldn't be gone long.

"verdammt...I can't go back, he'll be furious..." He mumbled, sighing. "Alright...I suppose I can stay for a little while..."

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Im Yong Soo, Ludwig learned the man's name while they ate, ended up telling the truth. He did indeed make an amazing breakfast. Another thing Ludwig learned about him however was that he was very clingy. He would constantly be holding Ludwig's hand, or sitting in his lap, and he kept touching Ludwig's chest which was a little weird, but Ludwig didn't mind much, because Yong Soo had some very talented hands...

But he certainly wasn't a fan of them! No! He hated it! Yeah!

...

Oh who was he kidding. He was enjoying it. He was a sexually deprived male, and Yong Soo was very good at turning him on. He was more than happy to take the man up on his offer of a shared shower, and learned that when he overheard Antonio and Gilbert talking about a special curl their lovers had, they were not lying.

However Ludwig knew he had to leave. He couldn't keep hiding from Gil, and he needed to stop leading Yong Soo on. Sure, he seemed like a great guy, but he wasn't Kiku.

Ludwig turned his phone on and let out a sigh. Yep, he was in big trouble. It was time to go.

"Thank you for the wonderful hospitality, but I'm afraid it's time for me to leave." He said politely, dressed completely, jacket and shoes in place.

"No, you can stay longer! I don't mind!" Yong Soo protested, but Ludwig shook his head, frowning.

"I need to get home. My brother is worried and is sure to be angry when I get there. I wasn't supposed to be out this long, in fact I wasn't supposed to even be at the bar last night." Yong Soo pouted and crossed his arms.

"Well this sucks...At least let me drive you home. And we can exchange numbers and try to meet up again! Yeah! I like that plan, da ze~" Ludwig reluctantly allowed the man to lead him to his car and drive him home. Yong Soo walked with him to the door, and just as Gilbert threw the door open and opened his mouth to start yelling, the words were shocked right out of his mouth at the sight of his brother and some stranger making out.

"Wh...Ludwig what the hell?!" he shouted, covering his eyes. "Ew not awesome!" Yong Soo pulled away from Ludwig and smiled.

"Call me sometime, Ludwig~" He said, walking back to his car. Ludwig nodded a little, although he knew he probably would never call or even see Yong Soo again, but right now he was too busy trying to breathe again to care.

"...Ludwig who was that?" Gilbert asked, staring after Yong Soo's car as the Korean drove away.

"...um...Im Yong Soo."

"And...Why was he all over you?"

"Because...I think he took our one night stand and gave it some deeper meaning...or something." The brothers stayed quiet for a minute before Ludwig spoke again. "He thinks Koreans invented sex. And breakfast. And Germany."

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**Don't ask why Korea. I just picked the first nation that came to mind and for some reason it was him OTL but whatever. I enjoy his presence XD**

**Who'd have known the list of German phrases I was given last August by Ninja Lady Jae for a different fic would come in handy again :3**

**ich hasse mein Leben - I hate my life**

**ich brauch ein Bier - I need a beer**

**joh-eun achim - Good Morning (used google translate so that may not be accurate. I don't speak Korean *shrug*)**

**Anyway, review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey all! I'm sorry it's been so long. My depression got really bad, and actually there was almost a chance I wouldn't be here right now because I tried to do something stupid...**

**I was stuck in the looney bin for a week and I'm on antidepressants now, so I'm doing much better. Hopefully I'll be able to write more now.**

**Anyway enough about me, lets get to the chapter, right?**

**I don't own Hetalia!**

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Feliciano rolled over in bed, shoving his face into the pillow. Usually the cheery Italian was the first one up, making pasta breakfast for the other two, occasionally three if Marcello was visiting, occupants of the house. However today he found it hard to wake up. It was raining out...he hated rainy days. They were just so sad...Even the sky was crying! The rain always made him wanna cry. ...And sleep.

There was a knock on his door, opening to reveal a Spaniard with a cup of coffee.

"Buenas dias Feli~! It's time to wake up! Come on, don't let a little rain ruin your day. Today's going to be wonderful~!" Feliciano groaned, reaching behind him to grab his other pillow, throwing it towards where Antonio's voice was coming from. Toni quickly dodged, being careful not to spill anything from the mug in his hand. "Feliii come on! I wanna get your opinion on something. You can go back to sleep right after."

"Yes, skinny jeans do make your ass look good, bye." Feli mumbled, pulling the blanket up over his head. Antonio sighed, putting the mug down on the dresser and sitting next to the Italian sized lump.

"Actually, I was going to ask you what you thought about the ring I bought." Feli rolled over, moving the blanket down just enough to reveal his eyes.

"...Ring?" Antonio nodded, smiling.

"Si. I'm going to ask tu hermano to become mi esposo." Feliciano sat up quickly, clapping his hands together.

"Mio dio! Che così impressionante! Congratulations!"

"Si, si, but keep it down! I want to surprise Lovi! But anyway, here, what do you think?" He asked, pulling the ring out of his pocket. "This is it! Do you think he'll like it?"

"Si, he'll love it! Oh I'm so excited! I hope he says yes- what am I saying? Of course he'll say yes!" Feliciano flung his arms around Antonio's neck, squealing. "This is going to be so great!" Antonio chuckled and hugged him back.

"Si, I'm hoping it goes well. I love him very much."

"Aww I can't wait! I hope I get married to someone as nice as you, fratello!"

"Fratello? But I'm not...Oh, wait! Haha! I guess we are brothers now, aren't we? Or at least we will be! If everything goes well..."

"Everything will go well, I know it will. I'm gonna go make celebratory pasta!"

"Remember Feli! This is a secret!"

"Right! Secret celebratory pasta!"

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Gilbert paced back and forth in front of the couch, arms crossed. He glanced over at Ludwig, who sat with his arms crossed as well, glaring at his older brother.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" Gilbert asked, stopping in front of Ludwig.

"Nein. Not really." Gilbert sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Ludwig how am I supposed to trust that you'll stay safe when me and Mattie go to work? After what just happened, I don't want to leave you alone. I _can't _leave you alone."

"I know..." Ludwig mumbled, looking down at the floor.

"So what are we going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Matthew and I can't just quit our jobs to stay home and babysit you. I'm already risking my job being here this long. My lunch break ended hours ago. What you did last night doesn't just affect you. It affects everyone around you. You acted really selfishly last night."

"I know...And I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix it."

"Gilbert-"

"No." Gilbert interrupted, shaking his head. "Look, I'm gonna call Toni and see if he could come watch you today, and maybe tomorrow as well. Worse case scenario, you're stuck with Lovino or I call Fran to come stay with you. For the next week, you'll be constantly supervised, no arguing."

"Alright."

"I'm going to go call Toni. You stay here." Gilbert started to leave the room, but stopped just before entering the kitchen. "Hey. I love you, West." Ludwig sighed and smiled weakly.

"I love you too...East."

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**Sorry it's not longer...But I'll be working on the next one soon, I promise!**


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